On Variables and Constants

Things change and get strange with the movement of time...

My first few days in Morocco were spent in Rabat, attending lectures and Embassy gatherings. Not a bad start, I’d say, but by the third day (ok, actually by the end of the first) I was extremely antsy and ready to get home to Fez.

For the past couple months I’ve been gearing up for the new version of Fez. I realized that my entire Fassi experience depended on a thousand factors that all met together in one moment. It was based on the convergence of very particular people in a very particular place at a very particular time. I knew that, for better or worse, the Fez that I would come back to would not be the same place it was 2 years ago, when our Ramadan evenings were spent on the roof of the ALIF Villa, watching the Office and drinking scotch. I decided I had to prepare myself for “New Fez” – the version of Fez that an older (wiser?) version of me would experience with a (mostly) new cast of characters.

And finally, I’m here. Fez is visibly changing, and some of the people I once knew here have moved on to other places. But some things will never change.

I’ve been noticing strange little things – like how my feet make the same shuffling sound when I’m climbing the twisted stairway to the apartment. The Khattabis’ apartment has a new look (new furniture, etc.) but smells exactly the same as it did before. I’m not talking about the smell of whatever is cooking in the kitchen – just how every home has a unique scent. I’m not sure how to describe it– but it smells like Khattabi.

Soukaina is my host sister. She was 14 when I left, and now she just turned 16. I hate saying things like this, but all I could think when I saw her is “my, how you’ve grown!” She’s so grown up now – and quite stunning. But I was very relieved when her older brother was picking on her, and she snapped back with the same spitfire quality that I’ve always loved about her. No matter what she says, she makes Darija (the Moroccan dialect of Arabic) sound so beautiful.

I’m happy here. It’s so so nice to be back with the Khattabis. Things are definitely different this time around, but maybe the most important thing that hasn’t changed is that I still feel very much at home.